Numb

I cried yesterday. Buckets.

Today, I just feel numb. Which I guess on some level is better because crying is exhausting.

Tomorrow I have my follow-up appointment with my RE. I doubt he'll have the results of the karyotyping. I know he won't give me any answers until he does. I've spent the last three weeks worrying and wondering what could have gone wrong. At the moment, there are only three options: chromosomal abnormality, immunological issue, and who the hell knows? Sometimes, I wonder which would be the worst. But I haven't quite figured it out yet.

My sister is going with me. I would have asked my mother, but she's just as angry, and I don't really trust her to keep calm and reasonable. J would have gone, but he said if they were only going to do an ultrasound and bloodwork, he'd rather skip it as he has a busy work day. I totally understand, but there's a part of me that wishes he would go anyway.

I've always loved my RE, but after the last miscarriage I'm really angry at him. I wish I knew what to tell him.

I wish I had some answers.